Letter to you, from my heart: It's all for good.

Dear You,
I have been thinking and I came up with this conclusion:
I have to let you go with the 2009!
First of all, I wanna truly thank you for all the love, laughs and fun we had together,
but this is not making me happy anymore as a matter fact is making me very sad.
I cannot blame you for all, it might be also me and my issues, but, enough is enough.
I used to get mad because i thought you were acting that way because of me. Why did you never send me a text in the morning
saying good morning I miss you, or just making a comment about the weather or how beautiful you think I am.
Never did.
How about us having dinner, or lunch or simply a nice evening planned together. Never Happened, never will.
You always call late,
probably because I'd be the only person answering a call that late, it can be my fault for not making the rules and letting you know that is not cool.
I have also been thinking that, maybe it is not me.
It is not that you don't care about me but that is the way you are, your childish behaviour does not allow you to see beyond.
It is not that you do not like me, it is just that you are too clueless to know what a girl wants or at least be close.
I do not know if I am making these excuses to excuse myself, cuz if my second theory is wrong then it is me, you don't like me
you'll never see me as that girl.
And I am sorry but I had plenty. It hurts me that you don't see me like that cuz i could see you like it.

Second of all, this would not be the first time we are falling apart, but this time will be the last good bye.
It has been always me trying hard but still cannot find your heart.
You and me does not have a future, you an me was found part 3 in 2009 and you and me will stay to dispel there too.
I always learn my lesson the hard way, and there are many things I'm still learning.
I would not call you a mistake, i rather call you a wake up call
I'm getting old, my mind is clarifying the way.
I will miss you so much, perhaps way too much.
I am an easy person to forget, but this chapter will always remain in a box somewhere in my heart.
To finish with all this I just want you to know that I am ready to let you go, I sent you all the signs already. I wish you the best, you are an awesome person,
there will be no more you and me
have a Merry Christmas
and
a Very- very Happy 2010!
you were the best part of my 2009
loved you (part time)
Sandy D.

And I might confess that my fears are bigger that yours
im afraid of losing you
of waking up one day and know that you wont be by my side anymore
I have to tell you how much I want you in my life
so much that I really dont care what people could think of us
that im crazy that you are insane
Im scared of the fact that you could change me for somebody
better than me, prettier, smarter, funnier
that you stop calling me
that you wont reply my messages
that you could ignore me and make me fall
I dont know what your intensions are
neither mine
but this affection is growing day by day
i like you so much that hurts
i want you so bad that i cant even show you how
i guess its time
i promise im trying to give you the best of me
hopefully you can see it
i cant let you go now
im deeply in love with you
and this time is literally with you, together, holding hands

u really stress me the fuck up!
i cant put up with ur shit anymore
u fuckin wear me out
i dont know what to say
i cant be mad cuz it always ends up being funny
ur too much
ur too far from me
far from what i want
i cant do this anymore
u put me down so easily
u have no voice
no mind
no ears to catch me
no will to take me
i would never be able to dominate you
and nobody could ever dominate me
i dont know where aere we going
or what are we doing
i dont know how this is supposed to work
i cant tell you what to do
i cant tell you how to feel
if it wasnt there before
it wont ever be
we were always meant to say nice to meet you-good bye
we were never meant for each other
i dont know how to call this game anymore
its torturing me
its suffocating me
ur too much that i cant take it
ur too far that i cant reach
ur too late that im leaving already

"caaaantale- caaaantale!"
llamame por favor im dying!!!
"JJJJorge"
please put a smile on my face, u used to be good at it!
"I hate you"
you are fucking killing me softly, cant stand it!
"whats good"
im good!, for you!, for a lot of ppl that want me but i dont!
"ewwwwww"
muuuuuuuuuakk! why ur ignoring me like that... im dying!!!!!
"sandrra del cashtillo"
im begging you to beg me and give it a last shot!
"i hope u die in your sleep"
i still have hope, for us, for this, i have waited way too long!
"mudafaka"
what am i supposed to do without you?
"voce e gay"
who am i gonna say good night every night?? i dont want my singleness anymore you can take it away from me!

llama por favor
llamame
texteame
esta vez respondo en one
no more games
no more issues
im ready
im open
i wanna let you in
this is my heart
u can have it
dont deny it
theres something big coming
i do fucking miss you
so much
so hard
so deep inside


ps. i miss your dad as well.. lmao

its only been a day or so
that i dont hear your voice
a week and a day
that i dont see your face
and its starting to be fatal
i dont see myself hanging in a corner on my own
i cant imagine hows gonna be like go to bed before telling you good night
but i cant take all ur bullshit
i cant keep up with you
ur mean
u hurt
u dont give a shit
i certainly do,
and im sorry mister
im perhaps prouder than you
im probably more high maintenance that ud think
i just cant agree with ur behavior
walking away from me
ignoring my calls
laughing at me like its so fun
im cooler than you
stronger might not
but im still breathing and as long as i keep doing it
ill fins my way
with or without you mudafaka!

be mine <3

u must know
theres not in between
you either break my heart or become my boyfriend
but u must know
im tired of trying
this time im making my own rules
u either follow them or quit the game
but u must know
u could break me
inside and out
u got me by the neck
i cant escape now
u either save me or let me die
love me so i can
show me what is like
been loved and give it
no i cant help it now
u already got me by the heart
if u played me id hate you
if i loved you ull love me
but u should now by now
its either ull break my heart
or become mine

i cant deny whats in undeniable
i still have feeling for you
and have thoughts of a future together
but that will change eventually
im up to good now
no more faking no more questioning others
this is how ill be now
my real self
life is too good like to be worrying about past
too much to do like to regret what we couldnt do bedore
start now, regret never
its better to try and fail than failing at trying
my heart is finally open up
my wings are spreading to let people see what they couldnt before
i have so much inside to discover
the emptyness wont take over anymore
these dark clouds are falling down
and life is too awesome like to waste it
im here today because im meant to be
single and ready to mingle cuz thats the way
im supposed to learn from others
i got the best part of you
while you had my worst
i can help smiling and laughing by myself
this was way too dramatic
that it covered my body with sand
im getting out from the black hole
im waking up when is time to sleep for others
dont come get me
cuz i wont be back
im going away and not turning back

tu lo sabias
te dije que me dejaras sola
y asi lo hiciste
me dejaste ir y asi son las cosas
no me sigas
que no se cual es mi camino
no me digas que hacer
porque hare lo contrario
te has ido
y estoy mas sola que nunca
la confusion no se logra ir del todo
se que manana o pronto te vere
feliz de la mano de alguien mas
pretendere que no me afecta
actuare como si soy la mas feliz
de verte con alguien
de aun seguir soltera porq asi me gusta
y no trates de indagar mas alla de eso
porque me podrias hacer llorar
mi independencia lo es todo
estoy cubierta con plumas
son tan suaves
que si soplas veras el corazon sangriento
no te acerques mucho
porque a veces muerdo
vete
no me hables
no me escribas
yo esoty como aparento
feliz y viviendo la vida
mi sonrisa de vacia
y mis ojos no ven nada
dale la vuelta
tratare de pasar por de sapercivida
mientras mas cercano estas
mas arañas mis heridas frescas
te dare mi mejor sonrisa
nunca notaras mis verdaderas emociones
no te enteraras de como se siente no ser correspondida
me dejaste ir porq no te importe lo suficiente
me dejaste ir porque te lo pedi
y no te pesa
sola y sin final feliz una vez mas
me alejo para siempre
no volteare para despedirme
no me veras
no me notaras
ya me fui

so now you are back
after finally realising that u couldnt do better than this
so you think thats gonna make me happy
thats right
im happy u are actually seing what u wont have
what u missed
what it was
because i thougth we were there together
i thought u were jumping if i was
i got screwed
you got me bad

so if you think im gonna go running after you
now that ur back
ur wrong
i did move on
ive found myself more exciting without you
im enjoying life my way like i always did
im sorry now that ur gonna miss this
it s ur loss
all what you could have and let go
im awake and gone now

i do, i dont

i do like you
i dont see us together
i do listen every word u say
i dont care
i do feel theres something going on
i dont wanna let you go
......

i do, i dont

its been crazy!
these two past weeks ive been doing a lot of catching up
with myself and old life
that, perhaps i didnt miss that much like i thought
i had, yes, some affairs to take care before i could go on
and right now theres nothing more than thankfulness and clearing in my mind
im starting to grow up, finally!
fear is a word my personal dictionary doesnt have
i might hurt some
maybe one or a couple of people
but its part of reaching my dreams
and i have to let go a lot of the old me
im so happy this stupid crazy shit is happening to me
cuz seriously!
ive grown
ive walked the first half of this path i decided to take
no hard feelings
no more drama
baby, you know i like you big time
but im going down
and havent resolved some personal matters still
just wanna hold you til the day is over
and before the sun comes out
ill be gone for good
your damn own good
this is business now
real life
putting aside my thoughts and feelings
to show you nothing but my hard self
my no -heart- no -love -to -give side
if u are still down
welcome to my new life

NOthings stopping me!

one more time ive realized
what am i doing??
hanging out with you makes me smaller
it also makes me wonder
am i going in the right direction?
it happens that all the paths have you as an end
but i dont wanna go see you anymore
you waste my time
my life!
i thought not having a phone for a week or two
could make you go away and leave me the eff alone
but no!
you are always there and ull always be
i am sure now
its not you
its me!
itll always be!
im not regreting things
everyday i learn something new for sure!
and i become stronger
now i can tell you face to face
get out of my life!
i cant stand to see ur face
do u get it now?
dont u ?

casi

estas en todas partes
pero resulta que yo siempre estoy lejos de ellas
siempre escucho que te nombran
el caso es que aun no te conozco bien
a veces pienso que eres esa fuerza que me sostiene
otras la que por al contrario me deja caer
no se donde estas
ni donde te puedo encontrar
siempre que voy de ida tu estas de llegada
esta inmensamente vacio
el corazon que se cierra ante ti
y es que no hay vueltas atras
solo una meta a donde llegar
no te veo
no te siento
no me guias

el otro dia te vi pasar
casi te dejo entrar
pero este rencor es mas grande
que el problema en si
siempre complico las cosas al cuadrado
nadie me entiende
ni siquiera yo misma
mis emoiones cambian con el pasar de las horas
y el color de mi ropa
actuo repentinamente
para hacer lo impresindible
pero no te oigo
no te toco
no me escuchas
acaso si?

ya estaba a punto de empezarte a amar
me iba a dejar llevar
cerrando mis ojos
te senti al fondo
me dio miedo seguir adelante con esto
te bote
me miraste
no te dio gusto verme caer tan rapido
aun asi no te puedo dejar entrar ahora
todo esta tan confuso
opaco y deteriorado
hay cosas que aun tengo que enmendar
no me he rendido
no lo hare
no me ire tan lejos

sin ti no llegare a mas que un par de ciudades mas alla
tengo asuntos sin resolver
mi mente todavia juega conmigo misma
mi corazon esta de lado
seras TU y nadie mas