So this is Christmas...

This has been a bittersweet holiday
it is amazing to have you family (complete=]) and best friends around
there is nothing else I could ask for...
but this Christmas came with more than only good news
I cannot believe what is going on right now
too much crap
no man to rely on like I thought I had
well, its going to be a new year
I want to leave behind all that is old
ready for new, looking for better
what didnt work once or twice
it will never work...
disappointed with myself too
many things that i couldnt accomplish this 2010
i guess ill keep on trying
and doing
i have the most important things in life surrounding me
I can only say
well, this IS Christmas
with all the bad and good
you just have to believe..
Merry Christmas!
HO Ho ho

I guess I am back to what I started in the cold beginning of this year.
It felt wrong but from time to time it seems so right.
I cant hold my feelings anymore
Ive been lonely for a long while
Ive gotten to know me more than I desired to..
Theres no more things I dont know about myself
and that makes me happy..
It is an old begin but I am ready to make it happen
I dont want to feel empty anymore
Im so tough! it disgusts me, how come love doesnt happen to me so ofetn?
am i afraid? am i not capable to give love? to even receive it?
Im working on things to become more what I used to be.. I guess this time Im ready
I suppose you can update fairytales and include some nowadays music-art-culture to it
cinderella doesnt have to be that pure and beautiful
she can be a little crazy, more fun and just cute.. sometimes stunning ;)
I cant be hesitating about how im supposed to feel about somebody
just FEEL IT
im a year older now.. LET IT BE
ive grown.. I SWEAR
magic can happen not too far from here.. magic is what you make it
no capes or cards needed

happy birthday to me ... I am so old! but def wiser

ow ow