snowy days

snowy days remind me of you
or how i used to feel about you
even though you are gone and not coming back
i still think you are around watching me
or maybe that is what i wanna believe

i wonder sometimes
why you would not fight for this
what was it about me that you felt it was not worth it
was it you? was it me?
as a matter fact, i am still unsure

i never got the chance to tell you about my feelings,
my crazy thoughts and even the future i planned for us
now all of this only exists in the back of my mind
you wont be longer part of it
you are too far

And the snow is falling down
with it, some tears upon my face
i cannot say i am sad
it is just an effing snowy day that blows my mind
and i wonder if you wonder the same things

but i am too far now
i always were you used to say
you will never get to see the whole of me
i will never have the chance to show you
it is too late now, you were always too far...

i dont know where to go
who to follow
when am i gonna see it clear?
my mind is stuck
cant find my way
i do need help
i wanna run away, but i dont know where
who with
i need some guidance
S.O.S.

Letter to you, from my heart: It's all for good.

Dear You,
I have been thinking and I came up with this conclusion:
I have to let you go with the 2009!
First of all, I wanna truly thank you for all the love, laughs and fun we had together,
but this is not making me happy anymore as a matter fact is making me very sad.
I cannot blame you for all, it might be also me and my issues, but, enough is enough.
I used to get mad because i thought you were acting that way because of me. Why did you never send me a text in the morning
saying good morning I miss you, or just making a comment about the weather or how beautiful you think I am.
Never did.
How about us having dinner, or lunch or simply a nice evening planned together. Never Happened, never will.
You always call late,
probably because I'd be the only person answering a call that late, it can be my fault for not making the rules and letting you know that is not cool.
I have also been thinking that, maybe it is not me.
It is not that you don't care about me but that is the way you are, your childish behaviour does not allow you to see beyond.
It is not that you do not like me, it is just that you are too clueless to know what a girl wants or at least be close.
I do not know if I am making these excuses to excuse myself, cuz if my second theory is wrong then it is me, you don't like me
you'll never see me as that girl.
And I am sorry but I had plenty. It hurts me that you don't see me like that cuz i could see you like it.

Second of all, this would not be the first time we are falling apart, but this time will be the last good bye.
It has been always me trying hard but still cannot find your heart.
You and me does not have a future, you an me was found part 3 in 2009 and you and me will stay to dispel there too.
I always learn my lesson the hard way, and there are many things I'm still learning.
I would not call you a mistake, i rather call you a wake up call
I'm getting old, my mind is clarifying the way.
I will miss you so much, perhaps way too much.
I am an easy person to forget, but this chapter will always remain in a box somewhere in my heart.
To finish with all this I just want you to know that I am ready to let you go, I sent you all the signs already. I wish you the best, you are an awesome person,
there will be no more you and me
have a Merry Christmas
and
a Very- very Happy 2010!
you were the best part of my 2009
loved you (part time)
Sandy D.

And I might confess that my fears are bigger that yours
im afraid of losing you
of waking up one day and know that you wont be by my side anymore
I have to tell you how much I want you in my life
so much that I really dont care what people could think of us
that im crazy that you are insane
Im scared of the fact that you could change me for somebody
better than me, prettier, smarter, funnier
that you stop calling me
that you wont reply my messages
that you could ignore me and make me fall
I dont know what your intensions are
neither mine
but this affection is growing day by day
i like you so much that hurts
i want you so bad that i cant even show you how
i guess its time
i promise im trying to give you the best of me
hopefully you can see it
i cant let you go now
im deeply in love with you
and this time is literally with you, together, holding hands

u really stress me the fuck up!
i cant put up with ur shit anymore
u fuckin wear me out
i dont know what to say
i cant be mad cuz it always ends up being funny
ur too much
ur too far from me
far from what i want
i cant do this anymore
u put me down so easily
u have no voice
no mind
no ears to catch me
no will to take me
i would never be able to dominate you
and nobody could ever dominate me
i dont know where aere we going
or what are we doing
i dont know how this is supposed to work
i cant tell you what to do
i cant tell you how to feel
if it wasnt there before
it wont ever be
we were always meant to say nice to meet you-good bye
we were never meant for each other
i dont know how to call this game anymore
its torturing me
its suffocating me
ur too much that i cant take it
ur too far that i cant reach
ur too late that im leaving already

"caaaantale- caaaantale!"
llamame por favor im dying!!!
"JJJJorge"
please put a smile on my face, u used to be good at it!
"I hate you"
you are fucking killing me softly, cant stand it!
"whats good"
im good!, for you!, for a lot of ppl that want me but i dont!
"ewwwwww"
muuuuuuuuuakk! why ur ignoring me like that... im dying!!!!!
"sandrra del cashtillo"
im begging you to beg me and give it a last shot!
"i hope u die in your sleep"
i still have hope, for us, for this, i have waited way too long!
"mudafaka"
what am i supposed to do without you?
"voce e gay"
who am i gonna say good night every night?? i dont want my singleness anymore you can take it away from me!

llama por favor
llamame
texteame
esta vez respondo en one
no more games
no more issues
im ready
im open
i wanna let you in
this is my heart
u can have it
dont deny it
theres something big coming
i do fucking miss you
so much
so hard
so deep inside


ps. i miss your dad as well.. lmao

its only been a day or so
that i dont hear your voice
a week and a day
that i dont see your face
and its starting to be fatal
i dont see myself hanging in a corner on my own
i cant imagine hows gonna be like go to bed before telling you good night
but i cant take all ur bullshit
i cant keep up with you
ur mean
u hurt
u dont give a shit
i certainly do,
and im sorry mister
im perhaps prouder than you
im probably more high maintenance that ud think
i just cant agree with ur behavior
walking away from me
ignoring my calls
laughing at me like its so fun
im cooler than you
stronger might not
but im still breathing and as long as i keep doing it
ill fins my way
with or without you mudafaka!