JFF

the music is loud,
the old lady next door must be thinking that im "that kind of girl"
and yes i am
that kind of girl who dares to tell everyone
that you can change destiny,
i dont have luck anymore, cuz i dont believe in it
i believe in purposes
in God leading ppl to reach their goals
in me losing the pose
to become myself again
that person that ive been missing for a while
a looong while
i remember of my grandma telling me 
how a girl gotta act
and ive been following her advices till 
i got to this point
the point where i feel that i cant be an hypocrite anymore
this is not working any longer
i speak my mind when i want to
and in some cases when im allow to
i dont pretend to be freaking annoying,
they dont have to listen to me
if they dont want to
just dont ask me if u dont wanna hear!
i havent learnt to dominate my impulses yet,
sometimes it gets me trouble

maybe thats why i like books
cuz they are always there
to be heard when you want them to talk 
and thats why i love pictures too
they capture a part of the moment
not the whole reality
they speak all the languages
they know how to hide stuff 
how to be polite when they need so
how to be crude when nobody expects it...

but im just trying to recover the real me
beyond this f**king weird blonde hair
that makes me look like a fake barbie doll from the andes lol..
im picturing his face one more time ( i always do it)
and i cant tell if it is the hottie from the beach
the sweetest thing from the caffe
or the weirdo from the block
but i know is there
for me
to release me 
and take me out of this crap that the universe is trying to turn into
this hot summer
hurry!!

im wodering when was it that i became so romantic
eww!